Now is now

Just yesterday, I finished reading Gretchen Rubin’s Happier at Home. I can definitely name this book as one source of inspiration for developing my goals, as well as deciding to actively start blogging. But the part that really affected me most was at the very end where she described our every day as fleeting and precious, and how “Now is now, and now is already a long time ago.”

This phrase reflects the very same mood I’ve been feeling of late. When I think back on my childhood, it doesn’t feel like I’ve even yet left that phase of my life, but the truth is years already separate me from it, and the gap is growing ever more quickly. I can think back on it with a kind of sentimental fondness, but at the same time I realize how I wasted those precious days. I regret not being conscious and mindful of the sweet, good things I had around me. I regret not giving more attention to my developing passions so that now I may already have some practice in them. I regret not spreading more love and affection to my family. I regret letting the days slip by without much thought to them. Sentimentality is a perfect incarnation of bittersweetness, and I’ve been feeling a mix of sadness and deeper motivation from my reflections.

So I’ve been trying to think of the ways that I call bring back parts of my childhood self that I inadvertently let go, as well as not allowing time to pass by so quickly and letting more and more regrets form.

I want to practice mindfulness, so that I’m aware of the things that I take for granted each day. A general goal that I have for the month of June is to practice mindfulness, but as I think more deeply about what it really means to “practice mindfulness”, I’ll be developing more specific goals to accomplish each week.

Please refer to my Summer 2015 series to hear more about my developing goals and their progress!


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